Tyler passed away yesterday.
It was absolutely heartbreaking - he woke me up because he was crying. When I got him out of the crate, he had definately taken a nosedive. We tried to rush him to the emergency vet clinic - not to make him well, but to stop all of this madness. Mom didn't think he was in pain, but we all knew he was so far from himself, and so worn out from fighting, that there was nothing that could be done for him at that point except for putting him to sleep.
My sister drove us, and, unfortunately, he didn't make it. That's the first time that anything has died in my arms. It was quite frightening.
My only regret was that I didn't spare him those last few moments of fear.
But it's over, and he did go on his own accord, saving me any doubt that he could have "gotten better" had I waited just a bit longer.
Whatever he had was obviously bigger than the both of us. To go from perfectly healthy less than a month ago to what he was yesterday just astounds me.
But I do believe that he came into my life for a reason - and he did help me through a rather dark period in my life. He kept me going. And now that the storm is over and "rebuilding" is well underway, it's like his assignment was over.
I just wasn't prepared for how much I was going to miss him.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Sunday, December 24, 2006
Reworking myself
I hope everyone is having a pleasant season.
Mine has been a rough one so far, what with my cat becoming extremely ill and draining me of money. I am giving out very few Christmas presents this year, but everybody understands.
Though having the budget cut to bare bones has actually been a blessing. Christmastime usually sees me buying one "present" for myself for every present I buy another person. And it's usually stuff I don't need.
But with all that's happened, I've been able to take a hard, long look at my finances. It's not dire, but it could use some work.
And it makes me so glad I quit smoking 3 months ago. That habit was costing me $210 a month.
And after some good think time in the bathtub last night, I got to thinking about how smoking had shaped my spending habits.
Yes, I'm serious. I'll explain to the best of my abilities.
When I smoked, I felt like a hyporcrite. There I was, spending $7 for a pack of cigarettes per day (sometimes it was cheaper if I went to Indiana, but that rarely happened), and it wasn't doing me any good. Meanwhile, I didn't (still don't!) have health insurance. I knew the money could go toward different things. I knew that NOT smoking would benefit me so, so, so much.
But there I was. And somewhere in my brain this kernel formed in my subconscious - "Well, you're throwing your money/life away on cigarettes, don't track what you spend too well, 'cause then you'll see what you spend on cigarettes and you'll be a failure!"
But then I quit smoking, and continued to NOT track every dollar I was spending. And then this thought formed in my head, "Well, you quit smoking, so you have more money to spend on 'deals' you see!"
Then Tyler got sick.
And then I started to look around at all the things I owned, and I saw a bunch of things that I had purchased that I didn't really need, but were on sale. Not tons and tons and tons of it, but enough for me to realize that my behavior needed to change. Besides, having too much stuff sucks. If you've ever moved, you understand why!
So some positive has come out of this whole ordeal.
I'm one of those people who believes that, as long as you learn something, no experience is ever a waste.
Mine has been a rough one so far, what with my cat becoming extremely ill and draining me of money. I am giving out very few Christmas presents this year, but everybody understands.
Though having the budget cut to bare bones has actually been a blessing. Christmastime usually sees me buying one "present" for myself for every present I buy another person. And it's usually stuff I don't need.
But with all that's happened, I've been able to take a hard, long look at my finances. It's not dire, but it could use some work.
And it makes me so glad I quit smoking 3 months ago. That habit was costing me $210 a month.
And after some good think time in the bathtub last night, I got to thinking about how smoking had shaped my spending habits.
Yes, I'm serious. I'll explain to the best of my abilities.
When I smoked, I felt like a hyporcrite. There I was, spending $7 for a pack of cigarettes per day (sometimes it was cheaper if I went to Indiana, but that rarely happened), and it wasn't doing me any good. Meanwhile, I didn't (still don't!) have health insurance. I knew the money could go toward different things. I knew that NOT smoking would benefit me so, so, so much.
But there I was. And somewhere in my brain this kernel formed in my subconscious - "Well, you're throwing your money/life away on cigarettes, don't track what you spend too well, 'cause then you'll see what you spend on cigarettes and you'll be a failure!"
But then I quit smoking, and continued to NOT track every dollar I was spending. And then this thought formed in my head, "Well, you quit smoking, so you have more money to spend on 'deals' you see!"
Then Tyler got sick.
And then I started to look around at all the things I owned, and I saw a bunch of things that I had purchased that I didn't really need, but were on sale. Not tons and tons and tons of it, but enough for me to realize that my behavior needed to change. Besides, having too much stuff sucks. If you've ever moved, you understand why!
So some positive has come out of this whole ordeal.
I'm one of those people who believes that, as long as you learn something, no experience is ever a waste.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
New bank!
So, I meant to get to my bank today before they closed. I erroneously thought they were open until 7, so I waited until 6:40 before I went out there.... and they were closed.
No worry, I can make a deposit via ATM... right? This method has been around for a while, so I can do it, right?
Luckily, it was idiot-proofed, and there was nobody else in the vestibule, so I didn't feel rushed. Felt mighty proud of myself, too.
And then I got home and made a call to the new bank, because I was supposed to receive a "welcome kit" with checks in it. I was told if they didn't arrive within 10 business days, to give them a call. So I did.
At one point I thought I had been put on hold, so I found Tyler and started talking to him. Nothing incriminating, just a, "Hey buddy, howya doin' today? You seem to be feeling better," and then he'd get complain-y and kind of squawk-y.
Then I heard her typing, and realized she could hear me having a conversation with my cat.
Luckily, she was also the type who had whole coversations with her animals, so nobody suspects that I'm completely mad.
No worry, I can make a deposit via ATM... right? This method has been around for a while, so I can do it, right?
Luckily, it was idiot-proofed, and there was nobody else in the vestibule, so I didn't feel rushed. Felt mighty proud of myself, too.
And then I got home and made a call to the new bank, because I was supposed to receive a "welcome kit" with checks in it. I was told if they didn't arrive within 10 business days, to give them a call. So I did.
At one point I thought I had been put on hold, so I found Tyler and started talking to him. Nothing incriminating, just a, "Hey buddy, howya doin' today? You seem to be feeling better," and then he'd get complain-y and kind of squawk-y.
Then I heard her typing, and realized she could hear me having a conversation with my cat.
Luckily, she was also the type who had whole coversations with her animals, so nobody suspects that I'm completely mad.
Monday, December 11, 2006
Damn right my eyes are puffy!
My cat has been sick for over a week now. This weekend he was showing signs of improvement - but that was by peeing everywhere. He'd stand with his front end in the litterbox, and then piss, or he'd squat inside the litterbox, or, and much more often, he'd lay down and pee, in small amounts, then get up and move and pee again.
Often this laying down and peeing happened on my hardwood floors.
You can't let cat piss sit on hardwood floors. It sinks into the wood and you forever have that catbox smell in your house, unless you have a professional come in and actually remove the boards that were peed on.
I work in the restoration field, I know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Saturday, I was okay with it. I thought it was good that he was draining his bladder, even though it was small amounts all over the fucking place. I figured he'd feel better and he'd use the litterbox properly. Sunday it was starting to get old. Today I stuck him in the bathroom - he's still doing it - pissing in small amounts all over the place. On the tiled floor, in the tub, wherever.
I have been real good about giving him his medicine since Friday night. The only reason why I had been lax before that was on a few mornings where he didn't eat breakfast. The vet and all assistants were adamant that we don't give kitty antibiotics on an empty stomach.
Fuck that. Kitty is not going to get better if I'm only giving him antibiotics 1/2 the time.
Besides, I know my boss is real understanding and all, but being 1/2 hour to an hour late for work to give kitty medicine? I'm supposed to be keeping a roof over our heads, here.
I just want to know when he's going to be getting better, what signs I need to keep on the lookout for (good or bad), anything I can do to help him. I know keeping him locked in the bathroom isn't helping him, but I'm going absolutely nuts cleaning up after him ever 5 minutes. Or, even better, stepping in cat piss. And just because I have cats doesn't mean my house has to smell like a goddamned catbox.
Cat, just get better!
Often this laying down and peeing happened on my hardwood floors.
You can't let cat piss sit on hardwood floors. It sinks into the wood and you forever have that catbox smell in your house, unless you have a professional come in and actually remove the boards that were peed on.
I work in the restoration field, I know what the fuck I'm talking about.
Saturday, I was okay with it. I thought it was good that he was draining his bladder, even though it was small amounts all over the fucking place. I figured he'd feel better and he'd use the litterbox properly. Sunday it was starting to get old. Today I stuck him in the bathroom - he's still doing it - pissing in small amounts all over the place. On the tiled floor, in the tub, wherever.
I have been real good about giving him his medicine since Friday night. The only reason why I had been lax before that was on a few mornings where he didn't eat breakfast. The vet and all assistants were adamant that we don't give kitty antibiotics on an empty stomach.
Fuck that. Kitty is not going to get better if I'm only giving him antibiotics 1/2 the time.
Besides, I know my boss is real understanding and all, but being 1/2 hour to an hour late for work to give kitty medicine? I'm supposed to be keeping a roof over our heads, here.
I just want to know when he's going to be getting better, what signs I need to keep on the lookout for (good or bad), anything I can do to help him. I know keeping him locked in the bathroom isn't helping him, but I'm going absolutely nuts cleaning up after him ever 5 minutes. Or, even better, stepping in cat piss. And just because I have cats doesn't mean my house has to smell like a goddamned catbox.
Cat, just get better!
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Sunday morning
Weekends need to be longer. And they need to make pills easier to give to cats.
But there are still plenty of things I can get done, the sky is blue, the weather has warmed considerably since Friday morning, and I have marshmallows.
I just threw in the marshmallow bit to round out the sentence, though I really do enjoy marshmallows.
My african violets have finally been repotted - they've needed it for... oh, about a year now. I'm lucky that I picked such forgiving plants.
I think that I am going to try to bake a loaf of bread today. It's something I've wanted to do, and I really think I can do it.
I've also got to write a letter to my sister who has just entered the Navy. I'm not really expecting much in the way of responses, but I know that those guys really look forward to letters while they're in there. I'm also going to go about and find comics and fun newspaper clippings to send her, too.
It was kind of weird last week - something shifted. There had been some lingering bickering and such with some of the sisters, but last week, it's like it clicked weird, as there has always existed some drama and/or politics. It had been lessening these past couple of years, I moved out, and then Eileen graduated from college and also moved out, leaving the twins with Mom and our stepdad. We're not around each other enough to really grate on one another's nerves, or touch/move one another's stuff (or suspect it).
Oh, and there's a surprise lurking in the family as well. I'll post it some other time, because not everyone in the family is aware of the surprise, and they have to be notified in person. :)
But there are still plenty of things I can get done, the sky is blue, the weather has warmed considerably since Friday morning, and I have marshmallows.
I just threw in the marshmallow bit to round out the sentence, though I really do enjoy marshmallows.
My african violets have finally been repotted - they've needed it for... oh, about a year now. I'm lucky that I picked such forgiving plants.
I think that I am going to try to bake a loaf of bread today. It's something I've wanted to do, and I really think I can do it.
I've also got to write a letter to my sister who has just entered the Navy. I'm not really expecting much in the way of responses, but I know that those guys really look forward to letters while they're in there. I'm also going to go about and find comics and fun newspaper clippings to send her, too.
It was kind of weird last week - something shifted. There had been some lingering bickering and such with some of the sisters, but last week, it's like it clicked weird, as there has always existed some drama and/or politics. It had been lessening these past couple of years, I moved out, and then Eileen graduated from college and also moved out, leaving the twins with Mom and our stepdad. We're not around each other enough to really grate on one another's nerves, or touch/move one another's stuff (or suspect it).
Oh, and there's a surprise lurking in the family as well. I'll post it some other time, because not everyone in the family is aware of the surprise, and they have to be notified in person. :)
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Gripes
The following things irritate me:
1 - Last night I had to take one of my cats to the emergency vet. I damn near hit 2 bicyclists who decided it was okay to run a stop sign at a decently busy intersection. Had I not had a cat in the car that really needed to see the vet, I would have chosen to assert my right-of-way and taken one of them out. But I didn't want to be tied up with the cops and shit with an upset cat in the car. Plus it really isn't the right thing to do. Frustrating, yes, but I understand there is a real possibility that I could kill someone. I promise that my rants about hitting inconsiderate bicyclists, while angry, will not materialize.
2 - Cat is still at the vet. He was kept overnight to make sure his urinary tract wasn't obstructed. I was told to call either before 8 a.m. or after 10 a.m. because there is a shift change between 8 and 10. I called just after 10 to get a status report and I was told that he was affectionate (suprise), eating dry food, refusing wet food (dude hates wet food. He'll only eat that if there's nothing else to eat), was about to get a "treatment," and then I was told to call back after noon, because they were doing a shift change.
I just want my freaking cat back.
3 - The back stairs were not cleared off after Friday's snowstorm. All of the walkways are clear. But (and this is just my opinion) I would think that slipping and falling on icy stairs would be worse than slipping and falling on an icy walkway. I slipped, but caught myself. Then I sent my landlord an email about it, telling him I slipped, but that he should probably see to those steps before someone falls and actually hurts themselves. I mean, keeping walkways clear is one of his responsibilites, right? .... I called 311 - they say it's the landlord's.
Ugh. Sometimes I feel like the biggest pain in the ass when it comes to being a tenant. But he outsources his work most of the time, and he should know what's going on. One of our favorites was that he had been redoing the bathrooms in the building. But he had some friends do it. Whatever - I don't care. Except none of the grouting has been sealed. It kind of needs to be sealed, you know, so it lasts longer. We've brought it to his attention, and nothing has happened. Which is fine by me, really. Just as long as he doesn't try to charge me for damage or anything ridiculous.
And then of course when it's cold here we have to call him and let him know it's cold. Unfortunately, last time this happened, he was out of town and not returning messages. I didn't know that and called the city.
As a renter, I am not asking for much. I would like my apartment and the common areas to be safe and comfortable (68 degrees is comfortable, and completely reasonable). I just wish I didn't feel like a freaking pest when I call his attention to matters.
1 - Last night I had to take one of my cats to the emergency vet. I damn near hit 2 bicyclists who decided it was okay to run a stop sign at a decently busy intersection. Had I not had a cat in the car that really needed to see the vet, I would have chosen to assert my right-of-way and taken one of them out. But I didn't want to be tied up with the cops and shit with an upset cat in the car. Plus it really isn't the right thing to do. Frustrating, yes, but I understand there is a real possibility that I could kill someone. I promise that my rants about hitting inconsiderate bicyclists, while angry, will not materialize.
2 - Cat is still at the vet. He was kept overnight to make sure his urinary tract wasn't obstructed. I was told to call either before 8 a.m. or after 10 a.m. because there is a shift change between 8 and 10. I called just after 10 to get a status report and I was told that he was affectionate (suprise), eating dry food, refusing wet food (dude hates wet food. He'll only eat that if there's nothing else to eat), was about to get a "treatment," and then I was told to call back after noon, because they were doing a shift change.
I just want my freaking cat back.
3 - The back stairs were not cleared off after Friday's snowstorm. All of the walkways are clear. But (and this is just my opinion) I would think that slipping and falling on icy stairs would be worse than slipping and falling on an icy walkway. I slipped, but caught myself. Then I sent my landlord an email about it, telling him I slipped, but that he should probably see to those steps before someone falls and actually hurts themselves. I mean, keeping walkways clear is one of his responsibilites, right? .... I called 311 - they say it's the landlord's.
Ugh. Sometimes I feel like the biggest pain in the ass when it comes to being a tenant. But he outsources his work most of the time, and he should know what's going on. One of our favorites was that he had been redoing the bathrooms in the building. But he had some friends do it. Whatever - I don't care. Except none of the grouting has been sealed. It kind of needs to be sealed, you know, so it lasts longer. We've brought it to his attention, and nothing has happened. Which is fine by me, really. Just as long as he doesn't try to charge me for damage or anything ridiculous.
And then of course when it's cold here we have to call him and let him know it's cold. Unfortunately, last time this happened, he was out of town and not returning messages. I didn't know that and called the city.
As a renter, I am not asking for much. I would like my apartment and the common areas to be safe and comfortable (68 degrees is comfortable, and completely reasonable). I just wish I didn't feel like a freaking pest when I call his attention to matters.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)