I just wanted you to know that I know..

Sometimes I do make myself depressed. That's not the intention. I get nostalgic, start looking through things, and then just get really sad.

I just look back and realize that I took things for more than face value. And I'm not talking that I was wildly reading into things, I'm talking that I thought I was a friend, but I was no more important than a stray piece of paper on the kitchen floor.

Eh, but then I tell myself, "It's always been that way, don't let it bother you," and I feel a little bit better.

Burning the midnight oil...

Doing a bit of work tonight. It's good.

The weather is similar to that I experienced in Portland, Oregon. I miss that place. I remember right before I left, I prayed that my broken heart would heal. We're still working on it. A broken heart is not unlike a shattered bone. It takes a while to put the pieces back where they belong, and that can be painful in and of itself. And then it takes ages to repair itself. And it's never quite the same.

But it is cool out tonight. Cool and rainy. Good night to pull out the ol' down comforter.

The cats are doing well. We got a pretty decent amount of couch time in today, and I think that's what they really need.

Finished up "Black Adder I" today. Pretty darn entertaining, if you ask me. Can't wait to get the rest in to watch.

Dear Garbage Pickers,

First off, I would like to declare that your digging through my building’s dumpster does not make me think less of you. I understand that we sometimes throw away things that we don’t need, but you may find useful. I think that’s great, if you can keep a few items from going to the landfill, more power to ya.

Here’s where I have a problem, though. This evening, I went out to my dumpster to throw out some trash. I looked on the ground in front of the dumpster, and found a whole shitload of used cat litter on the ground. It was the clumping clay kind – you know, the kind that gets wet and becomes clumpy. And you know what? I have a feeling it was my cat litter that I threw away a few days ago. But that doesn’t matter – what matters is that while you were digging through my dumpster for a new wardrobe, you came across a bag of cat litter, and you THREW IT ON THE GROUND.

Let me tell you a few things. One, DUMPSTERS ARE FOR REFUSE. True, there may be useful objects in there, BUT THERE IS ALSO TRUE GARBAGE. Used cat litter, rotten food from the fridge, dead plants, food wrappings, and, since there is definitely more than one woman in this building – PERIOD GARBAGE! We put things we no longer want in the dumpster so it can get taken away. You have probably lived in a structure, created garbage, and took it out of your house, so you have some idea as to what might be in our garbage. If you are willing to dig past all of the nasty stuff to retrieve a few things, than fine, BUT IF YOU COME ACROSS SOMETHING DISAGREEABLE, LEAVE IT IN THE DUMPSTER OR GET FUCKED!

Thank you.

The Pet

Hm, didn't know they made that...

The internet is an interesting place. The stuff you can find is mind-boggling.

I would like to share with you a strange product that I found.

Go see. Really, you'll be glad you did.

Once in a while...

Usually, I am just fine with being single. I've been single for 4 years, I'm pretty used to it by now.

But every now and then, I feel like I'm going to be single forever, and I hate it.

*sigh*

I've been patient for a long time now.

Whatever.

Totally forgot to mention

The pothos and the philodendron. They're up really high where the cats can't get to them.

Currently Growing

Geraniums
Sanseveria
African Violet
Assorted Orchids
Basil
Oregano
Parsley
Rosemary
Jade Plant
Lipstick plant
Hoya
Aloe
Christmas cactus

Had a dill - cat ate it and then barfed several times, so I chucked it.
Got a "Friendship Fern" from my cousin, can't determine exactly what it is (it's not a true fern, I know that much), might be a member of the asperagus family, in which case it's toxic and needs to go. The damn thing is enticing, they look at it and walk up to it and they start with the munchie munchies, and I have to chase them out of the bathroom (that's where the plant was living, with the door shut, till I could maybe figure out what it was).

Okay, says aloe is poisonous (I knew that, but no one is bothering it).
Geraniums poisonous, but nobody's bothered that one.
Oh, look at that. Rosemary's poisonous. Fuck. I didn't know that! Nobody's bothered that one, either.
Looks like I'm going to have to haul a few things into the bedroom. The cats really aren't allowed in there. Well, they are, but they can be asses about it.

Plants that are being bothered are the sanseveria - aka Snake Plant or Mother-In-Law's tongue. Specifically the one living on my kitchen table next to the computer. Ashe likes to get up there and rub his face on it, and bite it a little. It gets my attention! That's probably why he does it.

Still, I prefer cat quirks to human quirks.

Things I don't quite understand

I feel the need to elaborate a little bit on my last post. Ric-rack, specifically.

Seriously, folks, I don't get it. I don't know. Growing up, my mom had tons of it, and since we were crafty kids, she'd let us use it. We'd look through her old craft books fromt he seventies, and everything had ric-rack on it. In retrospect, I think she ws just trying to get rid of it. As we grew older, I saw an old television show where the kids had ric-rack on the bottoms of their bellbottoms. I remarked that it never looked good - how in the hell was it ever popular? She wasn't sure, she was never really fond of it either.

Now, I know I trash ric-rack like it's nobody's business, but in reality, it's not all that bad, especially in small amounts. But gratuitous use of the stuff makes things tacky. That and I have a personal aversion to it. So if I see something with a little bit of the stuff on it, my natural reaction is, "Ick - tacky." Even though it's really not. That's just me. So anyone reading this who uses ric-rack in their projects, don't hold it against me. In time I will accept it as a creative element, though it probably won't ever be a preference of mine.

I need a sewing machine. I've needed one for awhile. I haven't purchased one because... well, I don't know much about sewing machines. My mom knows TONS. She even has a few. Yes, a few. She quilts, mostly, but I've seen her make other projects - curtains for my house, clothing, bags... lots of things. Mom makes quilts, and let me tell you, they are truly works of art. And it's catching on, I have a little sister who is doing some "freestyle" quilting, and she showed me, and it's beautiful.

Anyway, sewing machines. I do not know what features I need, and I'd hate to buy one and have it give me nothing but problems (it's happend to my mother), plus I'm TERRIFIED that I'll get one and use it once or twice a year. That's a lot of money to spend on something you won't ever use. But then again, driving out to my mom's to sew something isn't what I want to do, either.

My head feels like it's crammed full of stuff and I can't think straight. I need to create, dammit, and if I don't, I'm sure I'll have a stroke.

Creativity boils...

Certain things that make crafty = crappy:

Overly obvious
TACKY - and not good tacky.
Ric-rack (I hope the person who invented this is no longer cranking out ideas, because of it was a pretty bad idea), the more the worse.
If it is quilted in the same fashion as a top of a mattress - it's icky.
If it's made from seashells. Seriously, who needs a wreath made out of seashells?

Certain things that make crafty = awesome:

Demanding a second look
A certain unconventionalism (<--probably not a real word, get over it)
Element of surprise (but not the exploding kind, save that for birthdays)
If you want to eat it, or maybe nibble or chew a bit.
Unique! Something unique!

Something that is nice, unusual, different.

We're getting there, I promise.

The week has ended

I am wondering what this night will contain.

It can't contain too much - I do have stuff to do tomorrow morning.

I did install a plant hook in my shower area. One down, three to go. Maybe I should install all of them tonight. Just to say I got all of those things off the ground. My bathroom is getting ridiculous.

My dreams are also getting ridiculous. Most of them are taking place in my house. It's weird. I've also just up and stopped interpreting. I'm tired of it.

And that guy that messed things up for a while? Yeah, he hasn't been in my thoughts nearly as much. It feels really good.

I miss that feeling of catching fireflies when I was a child

My small piece of reality has been lacking magic as of late. Small burst here and there, but not nearly the amount that summer should contain.

I think it may have something to do with the fact that I'm feeling a little purpose-less.

I'm not creating.

Bits of my life are getting away from me (not trying to be vauge, I'm just saying that I'm a bit behind in the cleaning and my house is not as organized as I'd like it to be). My house needs decorating - pictures and shelves up, curtains hung...

Fashion-wise - eh, I wish I could dress better, but I am lacking in the motivation. I have to mentally prepare myself for shirt shopping. If you've ever met me, you'd know why.

I also would like a haircut. Nice new style. I just feel better, ya know?

The root of this problem is lack of motivation. And the problem with that is by doing nothing, the house gets crappier, and I lose more motivation, and other things fall by the wayside.

Sometimes I wake up terrified that I'm going to turn into one of those "hoarders." If you don't know what a hoarder is, google it, and click around. I personally know a couple of people like this. Here's why I am terrified of becoming that - since I personally know these people, I understand some of their philosophies. Not on house cleaning, but on being a bit forgetful and forgiving and procrastinating. They, however, are champions and giving too much of themselves. I am merely just okay at it. Really trying to reign that in. I have had the fortunate experience of being taken advantage of. Some people do it on purpose, others do it subconsciously. The ones who do it on purpose are actually rare, and I can spot these people a mile away.

The subconscious ones... they're a bit harder. You don't always realize it's them until you've given 10 times and they have given 0. And by that time, there's a fair bit of resentment.

I am a giver, especially when it's someone I care about. I tend to care about people too quickly sometimes. It is not a bad thing. Now that I think about it, it's actually turned out well most of the time. That's why it takes me 10 times to realize that someone's an "advantage taker." I give the benefit of the doubt. Ah, but once I realize I've been had... oof, that hurts. I remember shit like that for a looooong time.

But yes, my world needs some magic. And I have a bottle of absinthe. I am not expecting to trip balls or anything, just looking for things to become a bit more... vivid... for a little while. Break up the monotony.

Peevish...

Other things that piss me off, but not very highly, and in no particular order:

Giving pills to cats.
The south suburbs of Chicago.
Finding cats on the refrigerator (this isn't bad by itself. But knowing they walked on your counter to get there does).
Finding cats drinking out of the toilet. Fucking "Ew!"
Freight trains.
Pop-ups.
Myspace pages that are decked out to the point where my computer completely locks up.
People who manage to mispronounce my FIRST name.
Shirt shopping.

And that's it at the moment. Going to go fly around town and do stuff..

Things that piss me off, part 1

This will actually be the first of many things that chap my ass.

Now, I think it's great that Chicago is bicycle-friendly. People should be able to use this type of transportation, 'cause it doesn't use fossil fuels, and these folks are probably more healthy than those of us that drive everywhere.

Now, what a lot of these cyclists don't realize is that the laws that apply to those of us in cars applies to them, too. Which is good. I had heard that if one hits a cyclist, then it's the same as hitting a pedestrian - which means the pedestrian always has the right of way and the driver of the car is wrong and can get into some big (read - expensive) trouble.

But I did my research, and they are indeed subject to the same rules we are.

And that brings me to the meat of my rant. One thing that pisses me the living fuck off is when I'm at an intersection and I want to make a right turn. I get in the right lane, stop or slow down (depending on conditions), make sure no one is coming, and then as I am beginning to make my turn, some dipshit on a bike whizzes past me on the right. Had I been a few seconds quicker, I would have taken that person out. And then, to top it off, I sometimes get the finger.

Another favorite example - I'm at an intersection, I have the green light to go STRAIGHT THROUGH THE INTERSECTION, and as I am going, some motherfucker on a bike comes out of either the right or the left, completely ignoring the fact that they have a red light, and forcing me to slam on my brakes. Usually I just get a dirty look for that one.

First off, I'm bigger than you. I have roughly one ton of steel, plastic, and glass protecting my ass. If I get hit by another car (and I have), I may get banged up a bit, but the chances of my surviving are pretty high compared to your non-helmet-wearing ass. You would think that asshats on bikes would realize that if a car takes them out, they could DIE.

But no, they ignore stop signs, red lights, cars that clearly have the right-of-way. I'm not saying all cyclists do this, but there are way too many of ones that do. And it shits me because I do not want to add "Involuntary Manslaugther" to my list of Things Accomplished Before the Age of 30.

It's bad enough that you cause traffic to slow because there isn't enough room for us to zip past you, but then you blatantly ignore traffic signals.

While I am all for this super-cheap method of transportation, I am not for the super-dumbfucks that think they're still in the suburbs and can do what they want.

Here we are

So, I managed to spend way too much money last night ordering stuff from the UK. I love the UK, and shipping stuff over is a lot cheaper than actually going there and getting it yourself.

But it's still expensive.

And of course, I'm reading the Chicago Tribune online, and it seems that Britain has foiled a terrorist plot. Apparently, the "terrorists planned to use liquid explosives disguised as beverages and other common products and set them off with detonators disguised as electronic devices. "

I betcha my absinthe is going to get delayed and/or seized.

*sigh*

I just can't seem to muster up worry or fear over this new plot. I'm one of those people who (generally, anyway) will not spend much energy on events I cannot control.

What shits me is that looking back on the past five years, I almost feel like things were supposed to go back to "normal," and they haven't. I guess I'm just used to things eventually going back to the way they were. But it really never happens.

First post... a test

Hopefully I don't eff this up....